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Gainesville PlaceNovember 06 just look around
Someone wrote on my wall basically implying that I have not
updated myspace for a long time. Indeed, it has been five months
already, and I am suprised that there were so many messages on the
wall from my old friends. My appologies here for all of you. What inspired me today to come here was a call between me and a very important friend, more correctly, of nostalgia. Physical distance is not hard to overcome as long as people are strong about it, but I guess people around me are not like that. I asked him whether he had forgotten me, and he goes "our brotherhood is unbreakable." I laughed because there was never brotherhood b/t us, and there would not be. Regardless, I still want to hear from him and from the watches. My quote-unquote friend told me that it is very difficult to be friends with someone you used to date and see that person very day. I wonder how he felt when he saw the friend being in the arms of another guy, when he saw her eyes going dismal while he was talking about his new friend, or when there was a silent moment on the phone. I need to get out of this matrix where people get in and out of my life without leaving me anything but wretchedness. Alright, hay muchos emociones aqui,tal vez que necesite pensar algo sobre mis planes de futuro. Mis metas este semestre son 4.0, posiccion de investigado para mi carrera, y el carta de recommiendaccion. Yo practice mi espanol cuando era en la restaurante de Mexico. Fui muy pobre y me siento muchos verquezas. Porque no puedo hablarlo major? He estudiadolo cuatro semestre!!!!!!! Bueno, debo pasar mas tiempo para lo y yo lo voy a hacer. Me creyan! Me Creyan! Bear with me for my crazyness. I am back to normal now. I am wondering what everyone is doing now, for it seems like I have lost in touch with all of you. Imform me about what you are busy with, you, yes, don't look around, just you, ALL OF YOU. June 03 Study abroad--Europe I have been asked how the trip was in Europe by many friends. Hornestly, It was more of a study trip than of a vacation. The theme of this trip was social-inguistic, geo-political, and translation. It was one of the electives that I need for my translation certificate. well, I should admit that I did visit the famous sightseeings of Paris, London, Brussel, and Brugge. No doubt, the archetectures in Europe were the most magnificent and most spectacular I have ever seen. I was impressed by the exquisite and luxury workmanship. However, archetecture can be imitated, modified, and destroyed. It only manifestes the spirit of the past, and how today is and how future will be in these countries have no direct correlation with their tremendous grandeur.
To be continued..........................
May 20 hugging For a quite long time, I refused to be hugged by or hug people. In asian culture, hugging is always associated with intimacy, and the especial meaning behind it is even beyond words. I carefully reserved my hugs and tried all means to not abuse them.
Gradually, I became more open-minded about hugging. Simply speaking, it's just another way of greeting in the western society. Westerns' hugging is just as easterns' shaking hands and, very rarely, it has intimacy involved. As far as hugging is concerned, I am a very generous girl; but until yesterday, I did not realize I was only partially right.
A friend of mine taught me how to differentiate special-hugging from friend-hugging. Special-hugging usually has longer duration and more intense. Hand gesture also varies between the two. Although I was not clear of where the line was from the demonstration, I realized that a subtle difference of gesture can represent a great deal of emotional attachment. Sadly, we human being decode differently the information presented, and how many times we could possibly overlook or misread the idea beneath the surface.
May. 18 This has been the third day since I got back from Europe. Up until today's morning, I felt that everything was great. My class was not too hard despite the fact that I missed the first lecture. My friends were sending me messages telling me how much they missed me since I left for Europe. I felt happy that I was beloved but so happy that I started going through my stage of depression.
I started calling my friends like I was crazy. No one picked up my call, and no one called me back. My sense of insecurity has been rising, and I can't help feeling lonely and anxious. I am afraid of being betrayed. No matter how hard I try, I know it is inevitable. I told myself hundreds of millions of times that duplicity is human's nature and betrayal is mankind's instinct, but I couldn't stop myself because I always had hope. More expectation comes with more disappointment. I am not quite ready for the latter one, for my heart has been torn enough.
December 17 寂寞的城市 直到放假了， 才发现自己是多么离不开这个城市；直到到离别， 才发现自己是多么的舍不得朋友。
大学城， 没有了学生会怎么样的？ 寂静。。。。。
为了 来这个城市，我丢失了奥兰多的朋友，而当我在这里找的新的朋友后，他们又不得不离开。人就是在这样的一个循环中度过。新的朋友代替旧的朋友。
我以为我已经习惯了， 但是为什么还是会觉得这么的无奈呢？真的是应该回去的时候了么？为了什么呢？当我离开那里的时候， 我知道I am on my own. 我回不去了， 为了自己的信仰， 我也不会再回去了。。。。。。说我固执也好， 说我极端也罢， 这时候的我才是真实的我。 圆滑世故或许对我更有利，可是我还没有老到可以背叛自己。 路是我选的， 我会走完它。
足球场已经空了， 篮球场也听不到球的声音，夜晚不会再有狂欢的PARTY， 树叶在脚下吱吱的响，这是我正想要的阿。 这是个属于我的城市，世外桃源一般， 无人打扰。
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